Friday, December 13, 2013

One is One to Many and One More is Never Enough

"How can they drink in moderation, put down the bottle at any time, go a week without thinking about a vodka-tonic, but I can never drink again" is completely mind-boggling to a person that is new to recovery or has recently stopped using addictive chemicals.
After learning in treatment that I will never be able to drink again was extremely hard to digest at 24 years old. I am that guy that has to figure things out the hard way and did the experiment... I  started drinking after a year of sobriety.  I learned in 6 years worth of chaos, medical problems, etc, I couldn't manage to stay alive and live a life of freedom if I continued to drink. 
The sixth year of being an active alcoholic, I was back in a treatment facility with mental, physical and family problems. 
I learned the hard way that once you've admitted to yourself and a Higher-Power that you have no control over your life, it's time to be done for eternity.  It is life-threatening and usually fatal when a person walks back through the dark hallway of using substances again to meet his/her demons.  

Kenny Chesney sings an amazing song called 'Demons'.   In my reflection of the song, I think of what I learned when I was in treatment at Hazelden. When I was there receiving treatment, the staff referred to alcoholism as 'Slick'.  I have always interrupted 'Slick' as addiction, demon and a devil on my shoulder.  From the first drink, Slick became my best-friend, a companion that was always there, 'someone' that I was in a relationship with and supported me every step of the way.  Slick was there through all of the ups-and-downs, break-ups in relationships, after getting home from jail (DWI), etc.  No matter what I did, 'he' gave me the rationalization for the wrongful actions and behaviors.  

Please click on the link below and listen to the song.  I also included the lyrics below the link for you to read and review. 

Kenny Chesney - Demons

Sometimes they're in a bottle, Sometimes a pair of high-heel shoes, Some come rolled in paper, Some have six strings and only play the blues, Once you've met the Devil, There ain't no way he'll let you be

When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me

The skeletons in closets, Ghosts underneath the bed, They hide out in pictures, And words better left unsaid, They hang around like perfume, And haunt me like an ancient melody

When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me



There's things that I can't leave alone, 'Cause they won't leave me alone, 'Cause what I want ain't what I need, Still I reach for the things I crave, And better try to run away, Maybe I'm afraid of being free

'Cause when I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me

So roll one up and light it, Pick up my old guitar, I'm playing 'Crossroads', Drinking whiskey from a mason jar, There's heartache at my front door
Says she needs my company

When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me


There's things that I can't leave alone, 'Cause they won't leave me alone, What I want ain't what I need, Still I reach for the things I crave, Better try to run away, Am I afraid of being free? 

You tell me 'Cause when I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me


When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me

There's demons chasing me
There's demons chasing me


When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me

In my life of alcoholism and bipolar disorder, I realize that there is always a force of 'Good' and a force of 'Evil', it just depends which one you feed. 

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