Saturday, July 12, 2014

Rock Bottom and Addiction

Today I'm blessed by living in active recovery with my family (wife, kids, parents, extended family). 

3 years ago, I couldn't imagine myself being this free in active recovery. 

I was in and out of the hospital with excessive nose-bleeds / blood-loss because my blood pressure was dangerously high, causing vessels and veins to burst in my face. The pressure from my alcohol abuse and addiction was causing blurred vision and passing out in different places in my home.

One night, a week before I placed myself in @La Ha cienda Treatment Center, I fell and hit my coffee table so hard, a half inch above my eye, I lost consciousness and woke up in a pool of blood. My wife came home to a horrific scene of blood in the living room, hallway and bathroom. When I woke up, I crawled to the bathroom to try to get the bleeding to stop because I was experiencing such high blood pressure, blood was squirting out above my eye at a force of several feet. 

No one was home at the time because my wife and I had a tremendous fight because of my alcohol abuse and my actions while abusing alcohol. God sent her home to rescue me that night and provide medical care that kept me alive. 

Rock Bottom
Almost losing my wife, kids and bleeding to death was one of the most significant Rock Bottoms I have experienced in my life. I almost lost it all in a moments of pure mania and addiction at a deadly rate. 

After my wife was able to get the bleeding to stop and get me to our bed, she left to go to my parents house (3 a.m.). I woke up in pure panic and only remembered bits and pieces of what had happened. When I spoke to her the next morning, she told me my mother was on her way to the house to see me and talk to me. This isn't the first time my mom has come to where I lived because of my alcohol addiction. 

When she pulled up, I was standing in the garage having a cigeratte and crying. I then began to throw-up uncontrollably because of alcohol poisoning and my head injury. She looked me straight in the face and said "you've got to stop drinking because your in a worse place than the rock bottom you hit before you went to @hazelden" and she did not say it lightly either. I was expecting her to come to the house and tell me everything was going to be alright and to stop drinking for a while. I was dead wrong. She provided me with a one person intervention in telling me I was a full blown alcoholic and that I needed professional help again. My mother was right, I was and still am a full blown alcoholic (now I'm living in recovery). 

My wife came home a short time later and I knew she was beyond disgusted and angry with me. She provided the second part of my intervention telling me she loved me, the kids loved me, but if you have another drink, my family would be leaving or I would be leaving the house for good. At this moment, I realized for the second time within three hours, my life was getting ready to change. 
Her and I talked for hours that day, crying and laughing together. We both opened up our hearts and poured everything out. At this time, my wife Jenn, became a rock in my foundation of recovery. 

Jenn experienced my pain and suffering of withdrawling from alcohol for a week before I went to treatment. She demonstrated love and care for me, as she always has, even though her heart and spirit was broken in anger, disgust and sadness. Her love and support was unconditional at that time and still is unconditional. She cares about me as a Son of God, Husband, Father, Best-Friend, Son, Brother, Teacher, etc and I'm blessed everyday to have her in my life. 

Everyone has a different rock bottom and interventions can look different from what you see on TV. There usually isn't a van parked out front waiting to take you to a treatmdng center on the beach. My experience with this particular rock bottom was the realization of death and/or losing my family. The direct intervention consisted of two people at different times within the same day telling me my addiction was harming myself, them and that they would no longer watch / enable my addiction. 

All interventions are overwhelming to the addict / alcoholic and their loved ones. There tends to be a hyperfocused amount of emotion involved before, during and after the intervention. It is important for the intervention team to discuss before what is going to be said and how does the team anticipate the addict / alcoholic is going to respond. 

Focusing on the solution is key to recovery and having a successful intervention which will lead a person towards taking the first step. It is then the addict or alcoholic choice to continue through the doors of a viable treatment program.

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